Category Archives: History

“Deck Officer! Deck Officer!”: An Autobiographical Journey Through Star Wars Toys, Part 2

“Sir, your tauntaun will freeze before you get to the end of this blog post…”

“Then I’ll see you in hell!”

 Yes, I was a slight latecomer to the Star Wars universe. I was a child of The Empire Strikes Back, but I was keenly aware Empire was a sequel. I knew I had missed the boat on the original (which I referred to simply as “Old Star Wars”) and ached to see it. The gap was filled somewhat by my Star Wars storybook, which told the story of the first film through lots of lavish photographs and fairly advanced and detailed text for a young reader. (The book-and-cassette read-along version helped, too, as I dutifully turned the page when I heard the chimes.) The storybook also contained some material that was cut from the final film, including the famous lost Luke-Biggs dialogue scene.

This was my only reference point for the original Star Wars
This was my only reference point for the original Star Wars
storybook3

I distinctly remember the Empire illustrated storybook had its publication delayed for some reason, and my mom had to special order it from the mysterious “Random House,” which I pictured as a literal house full of storybooks. That Empire storybook and the excellent Marvel comics adaptation helped keep the plot and visuals fresh in my mind once Empire left theaters. The things we had to resort to in those dark days before home video…

The Marvel comics adaptation served as my "home version" of Empire
The Marvel comics adaptation served as my “home version” of Empire

The collecting fire was fueled by the TV commercials, which were in constant rotation during after-school and Saturday morning shows. They usually featured a pair of bowl-haired kids in 70s turtlenecks playing on a perfectly landscaped “backyard” set, making up atrocious dialogue (I still say “look both ways, dewback!” to myself as I approach intersections to this day), and failing to pull off C-3PO’s British accent.

“Playing Star Wars” was a common activity — but you could go down one of two paths, which we called “Real Life” or “Action Figures.” “Real Life” meant pretending to be the characters and acting things out. Actually, we were not the real characters, but rather the real characters’ kids. This was at my insistence. I could pretend to be in a galaxy far, far away, but I could not pretend to be any age other than my own. I was a peculiar child. (Or was I prophetic? This was years ahead of the “babyfication” fad that swept pop culture later in the decade.) Characters were assigned to my neighborhood crew based on age, gender and hair color. I was dark-haired so I got to be Han, Jr., Isaac had kind of dirty blonde hair, so he was Luke, Jr., Susie was a girl, so she was Lil’ Leia, and Mikey was three-and-a-half, so he played whatever he was damn well told, usually something demeaning.

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Full-Course Kenner: An Autobiographical Journey Through Star Wars Toys, Part 1

KENLOGThere’s no big Star Wars-related milestone that inspired me to write a little bit (or not-so-little bit) about the line of Star Wars Kenner toys that were such a massive part of my childhood. The original three movies are 37, 34, and 31 years old, we won’t see a new film under the deal with Disney until at least the end of 2015, so things are pretty quiet in the Star Wars universe.

What set me off down this path was actually a podcast — The Star Wars Minute, hosted by Alex Robinson and Pete the Retailer. The concept behind star wars minutethe podcast is these two Star Wars geeks around my age (closing in on 40) dedicate each episode to a single minute of the original Star Wars movie. (I still have trouble calling it A New Hope or Episode IV.) A typical episode runs between 12 and 15 minutes, and it’s better than it sounds. They go into behind-the-scenes trivia (most of which I know, and I tend to yell corrections at my iPod when they flub something) and banter with their weekly guest, in addition to analyzing the minutiae of the film sixty seconds at a time. I may be biased, but I don’t see this working with any other film series. There’s a certain richness to the Original Trilogy that latter-day CGI-fests can’t match (terrific as some of those films are.) (EDIT: Alex and Pete have spawned a new podcast genre. There’s now an Indiana Jones Minute, Back to the Future Minute, Jaws Minute, Goodfellas Minute, all done by other podcasters. No, those movies are not “latter-day CGI-fests,” and no, they still don’t work as well in a minute-by-minute breakdown.)

Star Wars Minute has moved on from Star Wars, and are a ways into The Empire Strikes Back (they have promised to hang it up without doing the dreaded prequels. EDIT: They’re totally doing the prequels), and here’s my beef: they have remarked numerous times that they have received complaints about digressing too much into discussion of the Star Wars toys. It surprises no one that these complaints come from Generation II of the Star Wars fan base.

Generation I are the people who fell in love with the Star Wars movies during their original theatrical run (1977-83), and aside from yelling occasional corrections at their iPods, are content to bask in nostalgia and not rock the boat too much. (Maybe there’s a little irritation at the sub-par writing of the prequels.) Generation III is everyone from toddlers through high-schoolers who were born or began to watch the films after the “Special Edition” re-releases in 1997 and are totally uncritical and accept the series as a whole, prequels and all. New Generation III’ers are being made each day (welcome!).

luke

Generation II are the nitpicking assholes (born 1983-97). The eldest of them maybe got taken to Return of the Jedi as an infant and breastfed through it. They usually have older siblings or younger parents who were Generation I and got them into it…and then they really ran with it. They played all the video games, gobbled up the “Expanded Universe” novels and comics, and re-watched the movies endlessly on video. They are the ones who began to fetishize Boba Fett beyond all reason. They’re mostly in their mid-twenties to early thirties these days, and they’re the type who actually post complaints to podcasts. Which is fine, but when they say the toy discussions should stop, that’s where I have to step in and invoke a little Gen I seniority. (Sad 2018 post-Last Jedi EDIT: And I guarantee you all of the racist, misogynistic fuckwit trolls who are ruining Star Wars fandom are 95% Gen II.)

Generation II have never existed in a world without home video. To Gen I, the toys were the only way we could keep the movies alive in our heads. We squeezed in as many viewings as we could at the theater, and once it finished its run, we hoped it would show up on TV now and then.

In the meantime, we had the toys. The wonderful, wonderful toys produced by Kenner from early 1978 through 1985, which fired the imagination like nothing else could. Continue reading

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“Tombstone” vs. “Wyatt Earp”

As is often the case with the Holy Bee, to understand the entertainment, we must start with the history…

People of Tombstone, Arizona remembered October 26, 1881 as particularly cold. A bone-chilling wind whipped off the nearby Dragoon Mountains, and many residents assumed a flurry of light, dry snow was on its way to the little silver-mining town. A storm of a different kind came instead. Two groups of men faced off against each other in a nondescript vacant lot. (The OK Corral, which would soon lend this confrontation its name, was actually on another street on the other side of the block. Its rearmost portion could be accessed by a tiny alleyway, the entrance to which was still several yards from the vacant lot. But, as author Jeff Guinn points out, “Shootout at the Vacant Lot on Fremont Street” doesn’t have much of a ring to it.)

Animosity between the larger interests each group represented had been growing for the past eighteen months. A tangled mess of politics, personality clashes, and a long series of incidents such as stolen U.S. Army mules, the semi-accidental shooting of the Tombstone city marshal, and a botched stagecoach robbery just outside of town limits all contributed to the tension that had been humming through the town since early the year before.

On one side of the lot were five men — Joseph Isaac “Ike” Clanton and his younger brother Billy, brothers Tom and Frank McLaury, and Billy Claiborne — who represented the “cowboys.” Small-time ranchers who openly rustled cattle from over the Mexican border less than forty miles south, they were viewed with suspicion by the town leaders and businessmen. Most were legitimate ranch hands with a rowdy streak, coming into town to drink and raise a little hell. Dealing in stolen cattle was something everyone did to keep their ranches afloat, and most people looked the other way (especially if the cattle came from Mexico.) Other cowboys were more sinister — genuine “bad men” from Texas, who fled that area when the legendary Texas Rangers started cracking down on outlawry. Politically Democratic and sympathizers to the old Confederacy, they also had many allies in the town who appreciated their free-spending business and admired their free-spirited resistance to authority.

On the other side were four men — city marshal Virgil Earp, his two brothers Wyatt (a deputy federal marshal) and Morgan (deputy city marshal), and the notorious John “Doc” Holliday (a well-educated dentist-turned-professional gambler) — who represented the order- and community-minded townspeople. The clannish, uptight Earps were never incredibly popular with the people they were charged to protect. Wyatt in particular was viewed as a dour, self-aggrandizing social climber, with a checkered past on both sides of the law, who spent most of his time running card games in a variety of saloons and investing in mines that didn’t pay off. He viewed his off-and-on career as a lawman as a means to an end (that end being authority and respectability that would lead to wealth).  He had formed a close, unlikely friendship with Holliday, who was slowly dying of tuberculosis. Holliday was known to have a vicious temper when drinking (which was most of the time by 1881), and his reputation for unstable behavior and violence preceded his arrival in Tombstone. Wyatt Earp’s own reputation suffered in many people’s eyes due to his association with what many considered a degenerate. But one of Wyatt’s good qualities was loyalty to his friends. The Earps were politically Republican and staunch Unionists, perpetually on the make to enhance their status and make money. The cowboys were a threat to that goal.

The Earps and Holliday confronted those five cowboys that day to disarm them — they were carrying firearms within city limits, against the local ordinance. It was a shaky accusation to make, as the cowboys were ostensibly on their way out of town, and therefore justified in taking the weapons (which they had lawfully turned over on their arrival the day before) with them. They were just taking an awfully long time to make an exit. Lingering. Almost trying to spark a confrontation. Harsh, drunken words and threats had been spouted in the saloons the night before (mostly by the loud-mouthed Ike Clanton), and the Earps had had enough. As they approached the vacant lot, they were stopped by county sheriff John Behan — a friend and ally to the cowboys. He assured the Earps — falsely and dangerously — that the cowboys had already been disarmed. He was ignored, and wisely took cover.

Billy Claiborne fled at the sight of the approaching lawmen. After the tiniest moment’s stand-off, either Wyatt or Billy Clanton fired their weapon.  The unarmed Ike Clanton fled as soon as the shooting started. Thirty seconds later, it was all over, and the remaining three cowboys were dead or dying in the lot and the adjacent street. Tom McLaury was also revealed to be unarmed, but was shot several times as he desperately grabbed at the rifle in his saddle holster. Only Frank McLaury and Billy Clanton had weapons on them. The worst of the cowboys — true outlaws and killers like Curly Bill Brocius and John Ringo — were nowhere near Fremont Street that day.

But it did not end there. Controversy and retributions continued for several months. The Earp party were tried and acquitted of murder. Virgil and Morgan were victims of fearsome ambushes orchestrated by Ike Clanton and the more violent-minded cowboys. Wyatt and Holliday led a posse of dubious legal authority to cleanse the countryside of cowboy influence. The so-called “Vendetta Ride” became almost as legendary as the shootout itself… Continue reading

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Family Jewels

(NOTE: Edited for minor corrections and updates in 2022.)

Greetings. I hope my summer hiatus from writing hasn’t killed off what little readership I have. I know I said that in a previous post that my work ethic was virtually non-existent during the summer months, but that’s not 100% factual. I have been working, sometimes feverishly. Just not on this blog. On what? You are justified in asking.

President Eisenhower

On my family history. The Big Summer Project has been scanning, digitizing, and organizing the thousands of family pictures that have come into my possession over the years. Doing this has also revived my periodic interest in genealogy.

Say what you will about obsessing over the Magic: The Gathering or the minutiae of Harry Potter, but exploring genealogy truly outranks them in sheer nerdiness. It’s the hobby of Mormons and retired people (nothing against those folks, it’s just that they’re not your go-to for cutting-edge activities). But I suppose I’m one of them. The only lower rung on the hobby ladder is metal-detecting. Maybe next summer.

As someone with the last name of Isenhower, I have been subjected repeatedly to the well-meaning but irritating question “Any relation to the President?” These instances are diminishing greatly since those with any knowledge that there had once been a President Eisenhower are rapidly dying off. “No, it’s spelled differently,” I would always say.

Out in the retail world, I had a little routine. If there was an older person manning the counter, I would observe them always checking the “E’s” first when I would go to pick up a prescription or my developed film. (The fact that I once picked up developed film is itself evidence that I, too, am heading into the “older person” zone.) I would let them look, and allow them to give me a puzzled, apologetic shrug, before I told them, with exaggerated patience as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “Check the I’s.”

Yes, I was kind of an ass. Continue reading

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Apocalypse Wow: The Gospel According To The Holy Bee

“Well, I guess hard times flush the chumps. Everybody’s lookin’ for answers…”

–Ulysses Everett McGill, O Brother, Where Art Thou?

As our friend Col. Hans Landa would say, “That’s a bingo!” I got my card early, found about fifteen of this guy’s followers to monitor on Facebook over the weekend, observed their varying reactions, and marked off the excuses as they came up. (Actually, the most common one used by a factor of about 1000 was the “convoluted explanation” one, second down from top left, but it wasn’t in a neat row like the rest.)

Religion as a topic of study will never cease to fascinate me, as the very title of my entire blog suggests. Within arm’s reach of my computer at all times, along with my complete works of Shakespeare, is my King James Revised Bible (and my New Oxford Annotated Bible, and my biblical atlas and concordance.) Since the Holy Bee was in short pants, he’s always said if you want to truly understand the history, breadth, and beautiful capabilities of the English language, you should have a familiarity with the speeches of Churchill, the plays of Shakespeare, and the KJV Bible. (Students of the English language’s close American cousin would do well to know his or her Lincoln and Twain.)

Fascinated as I am by its history and sociological impact, for as long as I can remember, actually adhering to a religion has been anathema to me. I have always found it oppressive, creepy, cloying, and ultimately empty. I have no questions about my purpose or existence. I don’t need any outside set of doctrines to give me a code of ethics or morality. (And as far as my moral lapses — of which there are many — as long as they are confined to victimless pettiness like snickering at the fundamentalist rubes on Facebook without their knowledge, who the hell cares?) Continue reading

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The Holy Bee’s 2010 Halloween Special, Part II

Chez Holy Bee, on a Halloween night sometime in the early 1980’s…


Funnily enough, I don’t remember any family trips to the pumpkin patch. I went regularly to our local patch as a school field trip in my early elementary years, but we only got to pick one to take back with us on the bus. I do remember a copious amount of pumpkins around the house each October, at least four of which went under the knife to become jack o’lanterns. They came from somewhere, but I was either not involved in getting them (pretty unthinkable) or this is a rare case of a holiday tradition of which I have no memory (equally unthinkable.) I don’t know.

Flipping through one of my picture books sometime in 1980, I came across an illustration of a boy in a tiger suit. This, for some reason, went off like a rocket in my five-year-old skull. I decided then and there that the acquisition of, and proud wearing of, a tiger suit would be the focal point of my existence.


The cardboard witch cutout in the background was a mainstay of our Halloween decorations until at least 1990, along with the green skull in the Dracula pic below

The end result, hot off my mother’s sewing machine, was a minor disappointment — it was not the plush, upholstered, fuzzy theme-park-mascot-style suit from the illustration, but rather a limp, featureless thing made of the thinnest tiger-print cotton with a mask like a grain sack. My bare hands dangled from the sleeves instead of being concealed in paws, and my battered size 1 Keds gave away my humanness at the suit’s bottom. The disappointment lasted only a moment, however, for this was an honest-to-goodness tiger suit. I decided I was immensely pleased with it no matter what. (In retrospect, I’m kind of glad it wasn’t a deluxe tiger suit, as that might have spun me off into a life of being a “furry,” and I’d be off somewhere yiffing right now instead of entertaining and informing you good people.) The fact that the tiger suit was completed close to Halloween was a happy coincidence. My tiger-suit mania could have hit me in January just as easily as late September. Continue reading

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The Holy Bee’s 2010 Halloween Special, Part I

“This is the Holy Bee coming at you with music and fun, and if you’re not careful, you may learn something before it’s done. Hey, hey, hey…”

Americans claim to love tradition, but rarely have the patience to allow real traditions to develop. We have the media to force-grow traditions for us. Remember, Christmas was once a relatively obscure Catholic holiday, little recognized in the United States until the 1820s or so. What caused it to take off? The media. “The media” back then, of course, was print: books, newspapers, and magazines — and their editors spotted a hot trend in the Washington Irving’s “olde English Christmas” writings. Very soon, Christmas became safe, Protestant…and profitable. Don’t try to say Christmas has only recently “gone commercial.” Just take a look at the advertisements in any mid-19th century magazine’s November or December issue. Christmas in America has always been a way for retailers to clean up, and there’s nothing wrong with that — it’s still a special, awesome, cheerful time of year. You can ascribe that to the religious aspect of the holiday if you need to (I don’t), but we needn’t be ashamed of its media-driven, profiteering origins as a uniquely American holiday. There was no “golden era” to which we can roll back the clock. (Yes, there was a time when the commercialism was less brazen, but that’s a reflection on society as a whole, not just Christmas.) And, please, don’t get me wrong — I love Christmas, and you should, too. My point here is we invent things over a very short period of time, and then pretend those things have always existed. Continue reading

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The Holy Bee Recommends, #4: "Plain and gentle…and, in every respect, an estimable man."

Anyone with even a passing interest in 51hrGiI5xDL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_ early American and/or presidential history should take a few days with Harlow Giles Unger’s 2009 book The Last Founding Father: James Monroe and a Nation’s Call to Greatness, and acknowledge the enormous and unsung impact our fifth president had on the United States.

James Monroe seems to be consigned to the historical dustbin even though he was, as the title states, “The Last Founding Father.” The term “Founding Father” is somewhat elastic – it can be used to describe the first colonists at Jamestown and Plymouth in the early 1600s, the signers of the Declaration of Independence in 1776, the framers of the U.S. Constitution, veterans of the Revolutionary War, or – as is most often the case – a vague, convenient shorthand for all of the above.

Monroe, if he’s remembered at all, is remembered only for the Monroe Doctrine, which was given as part of his State of the Union report in 1823: a bold statement from a juvenile country just starting to flex its international muscle, informing Congress and the rest of the world that the entire Western Hemisphere was closed to any further European colonization, and providing one of the basic building blocks of our foreign policy to this day.

The appellation “Last Founding Father” is given to Monroe, I suppose, because he was the last person to serve the country on a national level (his presidency lasted until 1825) who was of age at the time of the Revolution in the 1770s. His successors to the presidency, John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson, were both pre-teens in short pants when the “shot heard ‘round the world” rang out at Lexington in 1775. Monroe, as a teenage Continental Army lieutenant, made the famous crossing of the Delaware with Washington’s tattered troops (in the famous painting, he is depicted as the one holding the flag, even though he occupied a separate boat in reality.) Continue reading

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Marysville: Then & Now, Part 4

[NOTE: This piece was ported over from a much-older website, and some of the formatting and photo sizes aren’t presented as originally intended. As soon as I hire a quality control staff, these errors will be corrected.]

At long last, the conclusion of this little historical photo essay. Some of the pictures I originally took last summer to illustrate “Marysville Now” are already edging out of date! If you have a moment (and if you’re already reading this, I suspect you have several) catch up with Part One, Part Two, and Part Three. Here we go…

The Marysville Water Company had enormously thick walls on its first floor to support the reservoir on its roof.


The old water company building is now home to Marysville Music on its first floor, but its second floor is vacant, and its third floor is a roofless shell.
Man alive, who doesn’t love a good piece of candy? Well, me for one. I prefer a saltier snack — your potato chip, your pretzel, your cashew or other fancy nut. With my lack of willpower as regards snacks, this preference is probably the only reason I have a tooth left in my head. However, other people’s love of candy has made the Candy Box/Little Farmhouse confectionary store a Marysville landmark. Continue reading

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Marysville: Then & Now, Part 3

[NOTE: This piece was ported over from a much-older website, and some of the formatting and photo sizes aren’t presented as originally intended. As soon as I hire a quality control staff, these errors will be corrected.]

Welcome back to this little historical photo essay after a long delay. I was originally hoping to complete this series with one more entry, but there is enough material to pad it out to two more. If you haven’t read them yet, click for Part One and Part Two of this series. Onward…

As stated earlier, D Street was once the real main street of Marysville, and E Street (above) was a semi-industrial secondary road. The cars here make are making a big turn to the east and the approach to the now-demolished D Street Bridge. At right, the triangular top of the Hart Building and dark-brick edge of the Hotel Marysville can be seen peeking from behind the white Masonic Lodge building (burned down in 1956.)
E Street is now part of Highway 70, and the main route in and out of town. The Hart Building and Hotel Marysville are now visible, but Cal’s Square Gardens roller rink has been replaced by Mervyn’s. Continue reading

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